Single-itis
I was watching Comicview a few months ago and some comedian was telling a joke about single Black women. He was like, "You the know the kind of woman who says 'I don't want nobody, I don't need nobody, I got my own place, my own car, I pay my own bills..." You get the point. With the recent passing of Valentine's Day, this got me to thinking about a disease I like to call "Single-itis". Now I want you all to stay with me because I know I'm about to make some of my friends mad, but...it needs to be said. I believe that Single-itis is a disease that some (let me say some so as not to steretype) single women develop to make themselves feel better about being alone.
First, let's review some of the symptoms before we delve further into this psychosis. The first, and most obvious symptom, is the obligatory single woman speech. Just re-read the above speech from Comicview and you'll get the picture (Please don't forget "I can do bad by my..." you know the rest). The second symptom is a certain attitude. Sometimes exhibited with increased aggressiveness or an extra degree of bitterness not found in the average woman. Finally, there is a level of co-dependency involved. You know the woman... she has an over abundence of girlfriends who are all too ready to tell her friend that her man "Ain't no good!" Or, she's ready to tell them.
I lay all that out there to say being a long time single woman, I have gone through an array of emotions and the various stages of being by myself. After years of singlehood (some happily, some not so happily), I evolved to a certain level of self-honesty. And honestly, I exhibited my symptoms of Single-itis when I was at my loneliest. Yes ladies, I said it. Lonely and bitter. My Single-itis manifested it's ugly head when I needed to make myself feel good about my state of lonelihood. Using myself as the sole case study(so please don't sue me for inaccurate data), I believe that women often catch bad cases of Single-itis when they are in consistent negative/abusive relationships with men, they stay single for long periods of time and don't know why, or they have just broken up with someone and need the motivation to move on.
I know, I know you are about to go off on me and tell me I'm just bitter, desperate, lonely, can't get a man, yada, yada, yada. You are probably right about all the negative epithets you are hurling at me right now. I'm not going to debate you on that because it really has nothing to do with the point I'm trying to make, which is to say that if we are honest with ourselves we will admit that we are designed to be with someone of the opposite sex. Life is designed that way; otherwise we'd be asexual. I don't need to go into a biology lesson to explain the male/female relationships in animals. I'll assume that we all have had freshmen Biology in high school.
Don't get me wrong. Having a man is not a necessity. We can all function without one. Many of us work, and pay our bills in a timely manner, raise children, and if necessary have sex without the help of a man. Please don't read this and sit at home and stay in an abusive relationship because you think T.Cass said you need a man and you don't want to have Single-itis. That is not what I am saying. If your man is not treating you right, there is someone out there who will. But there are times that you may have to be by yourself to learn what you need to feel like you are being treated right because he is not going to know. You have to teach him. Again, you can exist without a man. But...and this is a big but, there are more times than not where we want to have that intimate connection that only a man can provide. Sex included (It's good with one but so much better with two). My homegirls are cool but they can only do so much. Men provide a certain strength, determination, protection and masculinity that should be hard for us to live without.
If you want to know what I mean, look at that one friend you have that has a half-way decent marriage or relationship. Of course we don't know what goes on behind closed doors, but you have to admit it feels good to see any man, especially a Black man, taking care of his business. I find myself thinking, "Damn that's a good man. I wonder where I can find one like that." And truthfully, we probably feel a little envy too. I know it would really feel good to have some help on the rent. Or to have someone help me bring in the groceries. Or take my car to be serviced. Service me (LOL). Talk to me. Pray with me. More times than not, I believe that single women are on the outside looking in when it comes to healthy marriages and committed relationships. We want to know what it feels like on the other side.The trick is finding the man that's suitable for us, and having the resiliency to...yes you guessed it, wait.
So Black men, it is not that we don't need you, or want you. Trust me, we do. We just catch a case of Single-itis sometimes to help us through the times when we're waiting for you. The right you.
First, let's review some of the symptoms before we delve further into this psychosis. The first, and most obvious symptom, is the obligatory single woman speech. Just re-read the above speech from Comicview and you'll get the picture (Please don't forget "I can do bad by my..." you know the rest). The second symptom is a certain attitude. Sometimes exhibited with increased aggressiveness or an extra degree of bitterness not found in the average woman. Finally, there is a level of co-dependency involved. You know the woman... she has an over abundence of girlfriends who are all too ready to tell her friend that her man "Ain't no good!" Or, she's ready to tell them.
I lay all that out there to say being a long time single woman, I have gone through an array of emotions and the various stages of being by myself. After years of singlehood (some happily, some not so happily), I evolved to a certain level of self-honesty. And honestly, I exhibited my symptoms of Single-itis when I was at my loneliest. Yes ladies, I said it. Lonely and bitter. My Single-itis manifested it's ugly head when I needed to make myself feel good about my state of lonelihood. Using myself as the sole case study(so please don't sue me for inaccurate data), I believe that women often catch bad cases of Single-itis when they are in consistent negative/abusive relationships with men, they stay single for long periods of time and don't know why, or they have just broken up with someone and need the motivation to move on.
I know, I know you are about to go off on me and tell me I'm just bitter, desperate, lonely, can't get a man, yada, yada, yada. You are probably right about all the negative epithets you are hurling at me right now. I'm not going to debate you on that because it really has nothing to do with the point I'm trying to make, which is to say that if we are honest with ourselves we will admit that we are designed to be with someone of the opposite sex. Life is designed that way; otherwise we'd be asexual. I don't need to go into a biology lesson to explain the male/female relationships in animals. I'll assume that we all have had freshmen Biology in high school.
Don't get me wrong. Having a man is not a necessity. We can all function without one. Many of us work, and pay our bills in a timely manner, raise children, and if necessary have sex without the help of a man. Please don't read this and sit at home and stay in an abusive relationship because you think T.Cass said you need a man and you don't want to have Single-itis. That is not what I am saying. If your man is not treating you right, there is someone out there who will. But there are times that you may have to be by yourself to learn what you need to feel like you are being treated right because he is not going to know. You have to teach him. Again, you can exist without a man. But...and this is a big but, there are more times than not where we want to have that intimate connection that only a man can provide. Sex included (It's good with one but so much better with two). My homegirls are cool but they can only do so much. Men provide a certain strength, determination, protection and masculinity that should be hard for us to live without.
If you want to know what I mean, look at that one friend you have that has a half-way decent marriage or relationship. Of course we don't know what goes on behind closed doors, but you have to admit it feels good to see any man, especially a Black man, taking care of his business. I find myself thinking, "Damn that's a good man. I wonder where I can find one like that." And truthfully, we probably feel a little envy too. I know it would really feel good to have some help on the rent. Or to have someone help me bring in the groceries. Or take my car to be serviced. Service me (LOL). Talk to me. Pray with me. More times than not, I believe that single women are on the outside looking in when it comes to healthy marriages and committed relationships. We want to know what it feels like on the other side.The trick is finding the man that's suitable for us, and having the resiliency to...yes you guessed it, wait.
So Black men, it is not that we don't need you, or want you. Trust me, we do. We just catch a case of Single-itis sometimes to help us through the times when we're waiting for you. The right you.
posted by Unknown at 2:19 AM
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